Recovery Updates: New Year’s Push and Pull

Yes, I know.

I haven’t been around lately. Well, for me, that has been quite a vacation. I would guess for most people the celebrations at the end of the year are one of 2 things-a chance to rest and have proper vacation or a stressful week where they have to worry about meeting family they aren’t close to or be completely alone knowing that everyone else is out celebrating in some form.

For me, it was neither. It was a strange resting point in the middle of the turmoil of that past half year. Continue reading

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Recovery Updates: The ups and downs of new chances

So this has been my least successful and most successful week so far. I pushed myself a little too much and blocked myself from doing more…but at the same time did some work that has been long time coming, work I have been avoiding …well, since I started recovering.

Problem Solving

After I admit to a friend the biggest thing I can’t solve and blame myself for now, I feel waves of guilt and shame and relief splashing through me. To my best of an effort I can’t understand how I have turned things around to think that not dealing with problems is helping me function. Although in all fairness, dealing with all I was dealing then, I really didn’t have energy for much more. So now I’m trying. Slower than I would wish for, but it’s better than nothing.

And then it hits me.

My God, how have I twisted my world since that summer. I couldn’t think straight, I was so hurt, why did I think making life-altering decisions then was at all good idea? Continue reading