{Just a Rant}

So I saw something today that reminds me of how I felt when my SA happened, one of them anyway and I can not have the patience to edit.

This is what came out of it, and by extension, this isn’t really a post, this is just to get this out somewhere, without shape and color and size, without order, dirty and messy and meaningless like it was. This is for nobody and nothing, this is just how it was.


…alone, alone, night, laying on the cold floor, him throwing out a condom aside, dirty, dark, cold, stripped, laying on the floor for what feels like forever, naked, weak, humiliated, disgusting…

…makes you feel like there will be nothing more than cold night and feeling like you are completely and utterly alone and only such things happen, things you can not say in daylight because they are too shameful to comprehend, things that are too big to understand to be named, things that make you want to break something, cry in a corner, and never get to the morning, because all good and pure and light is swallowed and destroyed and there is nothing more than the cold night and that feeling that you can never again be the same because there are things so disgusting, so dark, so deep, that people don’t discuss them, they don’t tell you about those things that make you feel like that, they don’t tell you they happen to you, because those things are so shameful, so bad, they are worse than death…

…and so you lay down on the floor and you just pray and you wish and you hope you wake up, you wake up somewhere else, knowing that was a dream, that it was a dream so that you can keep walking and things can start making sense again, but you don’t, you wake up naked on a bathroom floor, with no reason to keep walking that some twisted instinct….


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