The Rule: Do 30 min a day of all the tiny random things that are not urgent, but you always feel guilty about not doing.
This following advise I’ve been given a while ago by my current gorgeous boyfriend, who also happens to be one of my best friends and has been incredible support throughout this.
One of the days when all I wanted was to sit and cry for all the piled up work that gathered while I was recovering, my boyfriend was trying to help, and eventually gave me a really good suggestion.
Here is his advise:
Take what you have to do that is not urgent(so probably not work, but all other small things you never have time for), and do them 30 min a day.
That’s it. 30 min.
30 min a day? I would never finish. But trying to do my usual daily work (finally!) and get to the 1001 tiny things I had piled up, always resulted in 1 way. Quitting everything I started.
The idea that I would have each day roughly 16 hours of work and catching up with things made me feel tired before I had began. I would keep it up for 2 days and then quit. So eventually I was doing less work weekly then I would do if I was frequently doing those leftover things, 30 min at a time.
If your life has crashed, for one reason or another, whether it’s a divorce, abuse, rape, death, anything, your life is temporarily complicated enough. That is not the time to overwhelm yourself with anything. You probably already have enough on your mind.
The more simple you can make things- the better. Set aside 30 min in the day that are yours. You can use them to relax, meditate, work out, connect with people catch up on projects outside of work, read a book, order your house, whatever it is that you wish you were doing while you were in the process of healing.
If the activity you want to do is longer, set a timer, and only do as much as you can at these 30 min. If it’s long email, write half of it, leave half for the next day. If it’s reorganizing a room, do few shelves, or whatever you can fit before the alarm goes off.
Clearing your life of guilt is as well a part of healing. If you were raped, or abused, to you that might mostly mean accepting that what happened wasn’t you fault. However, removing guilt over alienating people and disregarding work or your dream is just as important, so when you feel ready for it, start.
30 min at a time.